Alright, I’ll start this with a soul-baring confession: I have a fear of death. There, said it – done and dusted. It’s a part of my psyche that might sound weird, but a near-death experience I had, as well as the loss of some close people in my life, has made me hyper-aware of my mortality at a young age.
I realize this isn’t ideal, although having said the above, I’m not a fatalist. That might sound hypocritical, but my general demeanour 95% of the time is that of an optimistic, easy-going, happy-to-be-here guy. But as I said, I’ve got a stronger dose of reality than most and it’s all changed my perspective a bit. Negatively? I wouldn’t say so…things happen for a reason, they say, and as cliche as that phrase is, I believe we have to kind of roll with it. Things may seem inexplicable to us right now but my faith in some higher power (and at this point in my life, I’m not sure what I call him specifically, but God will suffice) means I have patience not to question things, because questioning these can become all-consuming and is in the end, fruitless.
So where was I before that tirade? Well, my experiences have given me a new lease on life. That life really is short and that it shouldn’t be lived with regrets. And so that’s why I live my life for me and cast off to experience things, instead of wishing I would have or should have done X, Y, and Z. Why ponder and dream when you can do? Sure, there’s always going to be obstacles – be it financial, time-wise, etc… – but I truly believe that where there’s a will, there’s a way.
I guess this attitude is what pushed me over the edge to move overseas in the first place. Another confession: I’d always wanted to do a year-abroad during undergrad but I kind of wussed out, although the reason why I never wanted to go was because I was enjoying my time at Queen’s way too much and couldn’t imagine a year away from all of my awesome friends there. So instead I opted for a 2-month summer course studying in a castle in southern England. Not too shabby at all and let’s just say that for wanderlust, it was the proverbial can of worms.
So my newfound mentality was that everything works out in the wash. And since about 6 years ago, I’ve become much more laid back in my approach to things. So off to Scotland I went. It wasn’t without it’s fair share of tough times and obstacles, let me tell you that. In fact, it downright sucked at first. But I persevered and it got better. Then, with about 3 weeks left in my lease I had to decide what to do with my life. I hit a major fork in the road: go back to Canada or move to London with nothing but my suitcases and a pocketful of dreams?
It came down to London and it’s a decision I don’t regret. Once again, it was tough. The pace, the cost of living, the ridiculous process of flat hunting in this city, and the working a menial job until I found something solid – it all added to the slog. To quote Jason Lee in Vanilla Sky, “The sweet is never as sweet without the sour.” I like that quote – it’s so cautiously optimistic and silently resilient and I feel I can relate.
Anyways, I think I got way off topic. Sorry. Right, so a bucket list, as the title implies. Now I don’t actually have one written down anywhere or anything. I’ve got ideas in my head, of course, but I guess I’ve more so adopted a bucket list mentality. What the hell does that mean D?, you ask. Well, I think I’ve pushed my boundaries and opened my mind up a lot – about the world, about people, etc… A good example – traveling to Morocco last year. A few years ago I don’t think I would’ve at all considered that. Africa? But don’t they all have AIDS and malaria there? I mean, I don’t even think you can drink the water…and the whole blood diamond thing…surely I’ll be shot if I don’t catch dengue fever first. Cut to a few years later and suddenly I’m craving the exotic, more extreme trips. And as of May 2009, I was riding camels into the Sahara, eating strange street food, and sleeping on a sand dune.
I guess more commonplace examples would be in my day to day. Now, instead of staying in to save money or because I’m “tired” when I get invited to what I can see will be a fun night out, I go. Life’s too short to stay at home and watch TV … I can do that when I’m older. I’ve done a lot, seen a lot, experienced different cultures, lived in a couple different countries, and formed relationships with people from all walks of life, all corners of the world and learnt so much in the process. To me, this is what life is all about right now.
I love living in London because I’m constantly slightly outside of my comfort zone but that’s thrilling. And I love that I can travel easily to a plethora of different locations, with different languages and crazy-ass currency and learn about the world and see that it’s all so much bigger than just me. And that for all it’s hardships, heartbreaks and sorrows, life really is beautiful.
